Nothing makes a day so worthwhile as learning something new and yesterday I heard the expression ‘moral turpitude’ used in a lunchtime conversation.  (Yes, reader, whilst you’re discussing anything – property prices, upcoming dental work, vegans – anything to give your poor brain a rest from B*****, I am involved with higher things like moral turpitude.  That is how I roll).

My dining companion was relating how he had once been deported from America for that very offence and escorted onto the returning ‘plane in handcuffs.  ‘I knew things were serious’, he said,’ when I was taken to a room occupied by 20 young Arab men’.  When he was told the grounds for deportation, and never having heard the expression before, he thought it must be some kind of sex crime but realising that protest was probably fruitless, he just came back.  You might, at this point, take a little time, Google it and see if you yourself have ever Been guilty before planning your next holiday to Florida.  It turned out that his actual ‘crime’ was to have made a fairly simple but stupid mistake on some application form.

But enough of other people; let’s get back to me. I know, I know that I have been absent for several weeks but I doubt any of you have an understanding of the pressures I am under.  Tomorrow is the Day of the Concert at Cadogan Hall in Chelsea, 6.30 kick off, and rehearsals have been nothing short of draining, especially as they have to be slotted into an already over-heated existence.  (Spring planting at allotment, summer wardrobe planning, still Head of Empathy).

After the last one I felt as though I had a cheese grater lodged halfway down my throat and turning to my vast knowledge of ENT procedures I decided that the way forward was to gargle with whisky.  It did help but on reflection it might have been more sensible not to have swallowed all of it but I did have an important evening event to attend within the hour.

A staggering 800 tickets had been sold last time I asked but if you still haven’t got yours go to the Princess Alice Hospice website and get one.  We are hoping to raise £20,000 for this amazing place and if you can’t make it just send a cheque.

And flowers to my dressing room please.