While you were clearing snow off the windscreen I was looking forward, always forward people, to spring.  With the Equinox upon us, technically it has sprung and let us greet the delivery of the first shoes of the season, ordered during my darkest duvet days (January to March inclusive).

Another timely arrival was the first local election leaflet, this time in the form of a questionnaire.  How do these wretched people get one’s name? (The electoral roll is, on reflection, the prime suspect).  It asked, hardly surprisingly,  a number of totally asinine questions.   What did I think of the council’s policy on plastics?  Answer: a total waste of time, whatever it might be, when the government is trying to build yet another runway at nearby Heathrow which will dump millions more tons of toxic waste into the local air and I suspect a far higher risk of an untimely demise when, inevitably, a ‘plane crashes over our densely populated city than from ingesting an old Perrier bottle.

At least there was one joke amongst the questions.  Did I think there should be a 20mph speed limit throughout the borough?  Show me where the traffic ever gets to that sound barrier breaking velocity and I’ll take a view on it.  Given the average rush hour speed in London is now below 10 mph let’s not fritter away ratepayers money in an attempt to criminalise those who manage to exceed it.  Or was money raising not on your mind, Mr Mayor?

Is this not the very same council who have recently given permission for a school to be built for 400 pupils on the only road access to Richmond Bridge?  That’ll sort out any speeding issues and no mistake.  Add to this happy mix the fact that the school is going to be on top of a new supermarket –  something we are crying out for  in the borough – and local gossips would have you believe that planning permission was granted because of a sizeable contribution towards the cost of building the school.  As if!

The highlight of the week, on paper, was the fire evacuation training session.  (It was A listers only.  Maybe you’ll be invited next time).  However, contrary to expectations there wasn’t a single fireman there so although I can now empty a building  in under three minutes it was ultimately a bit of a disappointment and I think I speak for all the ladies who volunteered to take part.  Fake news.

Which leads me to the Russians.  I hope it has escaped no-one’s notice that their foreign minister made a statement which was a total copy of my blog.  You heard it hear first.  As usual.