It would be foolish to visit the Lake District at any time of year and not expect rain.  That is how God fills up the valleys to make the Lakes in the first place and in yet another fruitless attempt to convert us, no less than 8 inches fell in one single day. To put that into context for those whose meteorological knowledge is minimal, and I do mean you, Junior Nurse, London gets about 30 inches A YEAR.  My thanks to all of you who sent messages of concern, mostly not read because the wi-fi at the Cottage was set at a level of parental control that barred access to anything more controversial than the weather forecast, something we were well able to do without, what with having eyes and windows.

There were expressions of concern that we may have acquired trench foot but given the level of alcohol and cigarette consumption of the party we were far more likely to succumb to trench lungs and trench livers.

There are photographs of  the ash tray (bucket) and the bottle recycling mountain but both are too disgusting for a dainty blog like this.  I did send  copies to Mr R. D. Davies of this parish together with the information that I had completed the Telegraph prize crossword in record time. Clearly green with envy he replied as follows:

“Not surprised – those photographs suggest a first class mind fuelled and supercharged by booze and fags.  Well done.”

There was to be little danger of foot related injuries.  Junior Nurse whined constantly about wanting to do more walking, or wading as it turned out, but as Staff Nurse somewhat tartly rebuked her,  “In order to hike you have to firstly get out of your bed and secondly remain awake once you have done so.” neither of which seemed within her grasp.  However using our well honed mathematical skills we were able to estimate that she was doing a good 10 k a day going backwards and forwards to the Co-op for essential supplies, a needlessly long distance when the prettily named‘Bargain Booze’ emporium, stockist of all our daily requirements, was at least 50 metres closer.

Somebody – possibly not Harvey Weinstein – once said “Keep a diary and eventually it will keep you” and I can assure you that further details and pictures are in a safe place.  Forward the usual postal order if you would like the full story of ‘The Incident at Rhydal Bridge’ – definitely a Bridge Too Far in more ways than one.  It involves cake.