If you are ever in a strange town and want to know something, ask a taxi driver. Why, oh why, the dim contestants on ‘The Apprentice’ haven’t grasped this is a mystery, although a clue may be found in the word ‘dim’. A cameraman once said to me “Never mind anything else; find a pub, a curry house and a whore. In that order”. Easy peasy. Obviously this does not apply in London where all you will get from a cabbie is either an unending moan about the slackness of trade (First fare I’ve ‘ad all day) or a endless game of ‘Guess who I had in the back of my cab?’ And sadly not in an interesting way.

The other rich seam of local knowledge is manicurists, although not many men get to chat to them. Nails are a very classless area. Everyone goes, young and old, black and white, rich and richer, whether they want six inch talons with hearts and Diamente or just a quick, clear coat of strengthener with kale – I wish I was inventing the latter one. Ms Paltrow has a lot to answer for.

I should by rights be selling this information to a psephologist who would get a far more accurate vision of the country’s political mood than they do by pestering people with their endless cold calling. Listen to what’s being whispered over the cuticle softener “All my ladies are saying …” if you want the truth.

This is the reason that I was so ahead of the game with Brexit, although it is interesting to see how many people have had second thoughts on the subject since moaning became so spectacularly unfashionable, even round here. A friend who, it goes without saying, lives in a tax haven is the only person I know who is still batting for the other side, in a political sense, and even he has been rendered speechless since I enquired how much of his tax-free income he would be sending to Greece to bail it out. Perhaps everyone who is wringing their hands about child refugees could do something like offer one of them a home. Form a queue over there and I will forward your names. I believe it’s called putting your money where your mouth is and it’s not something you see a lot of. Action, dear readers, is always far more convincing than words.

A colleague asked about my blog the other day and I told him it was very funny. Let’s hope he doesn’t read this one or he’ll think I am a hypocrite too.