In the same way that Teresa May and Hillary Clinton were described as ‘difficult’ women (Any woman who thinks she knows more than you do) so 2016 proved to be a difficult year, especially if you were even remotely famous because your chances of surviving to 2017 proved to be slightly less than zero.
I heard an interview with the man who runs the BBC Obituary department who complained that his shelves are as bare as a Comet store on Black Friday. Typical of a celebrity not to think of others.

Who can remember anything good about this year and don’t you dare say we had a good summer? I was there, people and we did not. We had a long hot scorcher in 1976 if you were looking for a comparison. In case you didn’t draw the curtains until June let me remind you that we had no Spring this year, going straight from a winter to a miserable autumn without collecting anything like £200. I have a friend who did winter in England, then went to New Zealand for winter and is now back here again for his third one of the year and you think you’re fed up.

I love the way that global warming has been renamed climate change because it became increasingly obvious that Bournemouth wasn’t suddenly enjoying tempreatures like the south of France and the general public were beginning to express doubts about the whole thing. For the record I am a non-believer in its man-made causes. I think it’s almost certainly a blip like the mini Ice Age that caused the Thames to freeze over and there is probably bugger all we can do about it. About 25,000 lawyers in London alone and nobody has checked the contract that says climate will undergo no more changes ever? I thought not. The worthy residents of Richmond dividing their rubbish into five different bins will not, in any way, shape or form, put right the belching smoke from a million Chinese factories and change, dear reader, will carry on happening whether we do it or not.

Why we’re playing the truth game I also don’t subscribe to the notion of evolution. If it existed why didn’t the first penguins just leave the Antarctic and breed somewhere else? How can it be a better bet to stay somewhere inhospitable and develop thick feet over the next 50,000 years than go somewhere warmer? It’s not the only sea with fish in it, is it? In a similar vein every time I see a programme about people having to walk 50 miles a day to fetch water I can’t help thinking that they should just move nearer a river. Explain that if you can, Darwin.

On the plus side, at least Christmas is behind us for another few weeks and I can start sneakily taking the decorations down tomorrow. It need hardly be said that the boys are sticklers for not moving a thing until January 5th, meaning themselves, especially if it involves giving me a hand to get the whole lot stuffed back in the shed.

So let’s embrace the host of new opportunities that is 2017 and hope that we are all unknown enough to survive the next six hours. Happy New Year.