I’ve been in prison this week – it was always on the cards you’re thinking – and not for the first time, it must be admitted. My latest incarceration was at Reading Prison, made famous by Oscar Wilde after he served 2 years there for his relationship with Bosie, the son of the Marquess of Queensbury and wrote De Profundis to pass the time. A notoriously bonkers family, my old pal Horace Walpole lived near the Queensburys and remarked gratefully ‘Thank God the Thames is between us’. Not close friends then?
Other visitors, presumably newer to being inside than yours truly, were aghast at the Victorian conditions but I wondered if they realised that it was still being used until three years ago and not much had changed in the intervening century. The cells are still dark and tiny and often contained two inmates but at least latterly they weren’t banged up for 23 hours a day with only the Bible and a Prayer book for entertainment. The one hour a day out of the cells was spent in the chapel, doubtless listening to a sermon. And second prize? Unsurprisingly 10% did not pass Go and collect £200 but went straight on to lunatic asylums.
My first prison visit – not a sleepover, thank you, – was to a large London establishment known locally as ‘The Scrubs’ and it was quite an eye-opener. People of the Daily Mail persuasion imagine something like a Premier Inn with a life of idle luxury spent watching the Jeremy Kyle show and waiting for the drone to deliver your drugs. And again, second prize? Hard to think of anything that would rocket me towards Bedlam any faster. In fact televisions are used as a form of control in the absence of staff who, not unreasonably, expect to be paid something resembling a living wage for their troubles. Its removal is a powerful sanction, given that sending them to their rooms isn’t much of a threat. Guess how many people are typically guarding 200 prisoners? 4. As in less than five and more than three, not very good odds I imagine if they decide one morning NOT to co-operate.
Reading has been opened as a pop-up art gallery and is well worth a visit. Got great reviews. No longed used as a prison for reasons that remain a mystery it is a listed building with Henry 1 possibly buried under the car park – a form of regal internment that’s turning into quite a trend – so no-one knows quite what to do with it.
Pop down there and let me have your ideas on a postcard. Winner announced next week.