How many times, dear reader, have you turned to ladykingstonlives and searched in vain for cookery tips or gardening advice? To address those longings for a few wise words from the most experienced of women, and in order to give myself a week off, I shall reproduce my Agony Aunt column from the ITN newsletter but on reflection I now see that you could replace ITN with the name of virtually any organisation and the words will still ring true.

Dear Agony Alex,
Apparently I worked at ITN for many years but worryingly in the sober light of retirement, can recall almost nothing that happened. A. Hack

Dear Mr Hack,
Luckily nor can anyone else but I will rummage through my carefully preserved collection of negatives (aka my pension pot) to see if I can spot you in any of them.

Dear Agony Alex,
Having left ITN I am now at a loss as to fill the empty days. Any advice?
Loose End

Dear Loose,
Are you completely sure that you ever worked at ITN? (See previous letter). Personally I can think of nowhere else on earth, except possibly a lifetime spent in local government, which offered a better preparation for retirement: days of hanging around, only a few befuddled folk to talk to and most afternoons lost in a vague haze. You should have paid more attention.

Dear Agony Alex,
During my time at ITN my name has never been linked with anyone of either gender in a scandalous manner. Am I impossibly dull?

Dear Dull,
Apparently so. I cannot recall any other person of whom the same could be said. However, I will take this opportunity to ask for volunteers who would not object to being linked to you to step forward, if only out of pity.

I hope these brief examples of my caring and compassionate approach will encourage more of you to turn to me for guidance – except for the person who is inundating me with letters written on lined paper in green ink. I know who you are.