We are all familiar with the great lies – ‘There’s a cheque in the post’, ‘It’s not what it looks like’, ‘I can explain’.  Perhaps the worst of these, and one unforgivably put about by women, is that you forget the pain of childbirth.  That is, readers, simply not true.  It is just that the sleepless, exhausting horror of the first few years, that is to say the time you spend awake with your offspring, especially when they are teenagers, makes it pale into insignificance.

My snippets of priceless information have been referred to as ‘factoids’ by people less blessed with bottomless general knowledge but as I have often said to the children, get long odds if you’re betting that I am wrong. We were recently playing the A to Z game on a long journey (Rules explained at the end) and my chosen subject was medical conditions.  Someone dared, dared to challenge me on several of my choices! Me, who worked for over six months on a best forgotten series called ‘General Hospital’ and made millions of videos for drug companies. Behind the camera, since you ask.

Added  to which I would expect everyone over the age of five to have heard of such run-of-the-mill ailments as ascariasis, babesoisos, condylomata acuminate and so on.  Diseases whose existance I was able to prove in a truce by referring to that most useful of volumes – never leave home without it – ‘101 illnesses you don’t want to get’ (Available on Amazon obviously) .  Another top tip while we are at it ; always carry a list of US states and their capitals.  You cannot begin to imagine how often it will prove useful.  Just trust me on that one.

I love  a good fact, something that may well have held me back in the news business and an indisputable one is that February is pretty much guaranteed to lower your spirits.  We’ve all had enough of cold and miserable, inside and out, although another fact is that the worst month for suicides is May, which ironically is the nicest month of the year in England.  Possibly by then people who have been hiding under a duvet sucking their thumb since January don’t even realise that things have finally picked up outside.

I once made the novice mistake of eschewing alcohol in January because it is well known as a depressive and at that point of winter you don’t need to pour misery into a glass, just draw the curtains far enough to see the Christmas tree needles still stuck to the carpet in the puddles of Baileys Irish Cream spilt on New Years Eve.  Of last year.

So my message for today is keep on smiling.  Literally.  Put a smile on your face at all times and it is a FACT that you will begin to feel more cheerful.  There may even be research to prove it.

A-Z game: First person says ‘A is for Apple’, second person says ‘A is for Apple, B is for Banana’ and so on.  There are some subjects where one is allowed to drop letters like X, as in countries or crisp flavours.  It is considered bad form to beat someone with Alzheimer’s.