In the light of the Labour Party report into why they lost the election – commendably limited to two words one of which was Ed – and the interminable wait for the Chilcott enquiry, which I suspect could be summed up even more briefly by the single word ‘Liar’ I have rooted out from the archives the entirely independent remarks of Judge Kingston after his investigation into scurrilous rumours concerning one of ITN’s loveliest lady Floor Managers, Lady Kingston.

“Despite the photographic evidence, sadly mislaid by the Crown Prosecution Service, Lady Kingston denies doing News At Ten dressed as a fairy, claiming that she would not have begun to compete with those able to claim the description ‘fairy’ on duty that night. In evidence she claimed to have been to ‘a posh drinks party during the supper break (4.30pm – 9.30pm) which explains the dress and I cannot recall on oath where the wings came from. Or the wand with which I may have cued the newscaster’.

Lady Kingston strongly rebuts the suggestion that she did News At Ten from Blackpool during the Party Conference season dressed as a policeman.  It is her clear recollection that she was only wearing a helmet.  Sadly no pictures exist to support her story.

Also firmly denied is the accusation that she set fire to one or more chairs in a local wine bar.  She accepts that her companions, in an ill-advised act of gallantry may have done so following her remarks about the coldness of the weather and the parsimonious natures of the hostelry’s heating arrangements but as she explained to the Enquiry, no-one can expect a girl to recall the names of everyone she got drunk with in the (52) weeks before Christmas.

Also occurring during the festive season was the case of the invoice from a mini cab company for waiting time outside Kingston Towers, allegedly whilst two other members of staff attempted to post a cat and a Christmas cake through the letter box during the early hours of the morning. The enquiry concludes that the driver who claims to have witnessed the scene may well have been intoxicated.

Lady Kingston gives little credence to the claim by a member of middle management that he saw her and another lady Floor Manager attempting to enter the building via a brick wall at 4.pm.  She thinks that this easily made mistake may be the result of poor lighting conditions around the entrance and demands that this be referred to the Union’s Health and Safety Committee as it displays a lamentable lack of care by management towards tired and emotional employees.

We come now to the slanderous claims concerning Lady Kingston’s expenses claims. She freely admits to tearing a £50 note into pieces when a junior member of management had the sheer affrontery to say that he had been ‘charitable’ in signing her claim form.  Her aim was to give him a clear illustration that petty cash fiddling was, in every sense, beneath her.  Evidence from his secretary suggests that his afternoon was usefully employed glueing the fragments together.

And finally, as they say after all the best bulletins, it is true that someone (whose name she will not reveal unless asked)  refused to work with her because she made him feel ‘stupid’.  It is a tribute to the loyalty so frequently displayed within this organisation that the other Floor Managers refused to work with the complainant until he admitted that they ALL made him feel stupid.

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